Sometimes things happen that blow up your world.  A little over a week ago I had my 37th birthday which marks more then half of my life has been in the SCA. It just shakes you a bit when you know after all that time and effort and you barely blip on the radar because you moved.  Add to that just the normal depression knowing your life is a mess and you are almost 40.
Saddest of all I was hit with 3 deaths all unexpected and sudden 2 friends from my old kingdom, one by heart attack and the other a motorcycle accident.  The third was my dog who was hit by a car last night. Maybe it's a combo of it all but the loss of my dog broke me. In truth be was more then just a dog,  he was my ears, a lifeline to the world around me. Being Deaf he was the one who kept me in the know with what was going on around me. He was my autistic son's best friend and he kept me grounded in this nightmare of a living situation I'm in now.
I feel hollow and adrift. I'm questioning if what I do Matters